Sup y’all! I currently intern with the wonderful JPG, and when I heard about how Jordan and Mike’s wedding photo had gone viral, I just KNEW I had to explain to the JPG team (and all of you) how life-changing the cinematic genius of Sharknado 1 & 2 is.
Ian Ziering, from the original Beverly Hills 90210, is made up to be a 35 year old surfer dude from LA (sorry, but, he’s 50 folks). He flees inland with his friends to save his family from the first ever sharknado. Impaling sharks with bats, bar stools, and plastic pool sticks (my weapon of choice, too) they go to save Ian’s family (just in time for some JPG family photos, maybe?). He has to reconnect with his ex-wife Tara Reid first, but she can’t fully scream about their impending sharky doom because of all her plastic surgery. First world problems are tough, Tara.
(By the way, JPG does offer headshot packages, but, after my comments, we might be losing Tara’s business…sorry, Boss.)
Speaking of true love, Ian’s co-worker, Nova, falls for his son, and together they blow up the sharknados! No dinner and a movie for these two. BUT THEN (gasp here) Nova gets swallowed by a great white! Son. Of. A. Bitch. In outrage, Ian jumps into a shark with a chainsaw, but ends up becoming even MORE of a hero when it’s conveniently the same shark that swallowed Nova! He pulls her out with him, and the sky clears as Tara wipes shark blood off Ian’s face for some well-deserved lip action.
But, no shark reflection photo for those two, because they murdered all the sharks. Our JPG couple, Jordan and Mike, played it safe by just going for an aquarium. Nice choice, you two.
This week, the second movie premiered about NYC’s sharknado, which was worse than LA’s! Now Ian must save his sister’s family as even the Statue of Liberty falls victim to the sharknado. Oh, and where’s Tara, do you ask? Well, she and Ian were on a plane to NY (for a destination JPG engagement shoot?) when the sharks took out the pilots, Kelly Osbourne (no headshots for her, as she was decapitated), and part of the plane’s frame. Tara is holding onto a seat strap (what is her upper arm workout?!) when a shark bites off her hand! Home girl should have flown first class. So while she recovers, another woman comes swimming her way into Ian’s life. Unlike our famous photo, the only kissing to take place is between Ian and Vivica Fox, his former flame, who doesn’t know about him and Tara. Awkward.
I won’t ruin the ending for you, but just know, it’s a jaw dropper. And after all his fighting, he finally gets his hot slice of NY pizza. Thank. The. Lord.
Check out the movies, for sure, but check out JPG for our own jaw dropping wedding, corporate, non-profit, and maternity photos too.
I promise I do have a life,